What do you do when your circumstances seem to be in direct contrast to God’s character? How do you cope when you feel like God Himself has disappointed you?
These are some of the questions we are facing in the Lament Class.
We are studying four movements of lament—Turning, Complaining, Asking, and Trusting (TCAT)—as a framework for talking with the Lord through hard times. The word translated “abide” in John 15 can also be translated “continue to be present.” In our pain, we are continuing to be present in our relationship with the Lord.
We are also studying how to respond to others’ laments. Here are three thoughts:
Be careful not to say “at least.” For example, do not say: “I’m sorry the doctor has to take your leg off below the knee, but at least your other leg is fine.” Using “at least” minimizes what a person is going through and does not acknowledge how hard his circumstances actually are.
While a person sometimes needs help adjusting his theology, more often he just needs someone to listen while he expresses his anguish. As Job said (Job 7.10), “Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” There may come a time, after the dust has settled, after the strong emotions have eased, and after he has gotten his feet under him again, when you can gently reopen the topic of his view of God. But the initial stages of disaster or grief are not that time.
Penelope Wilcock in The Wounds of God writes, “We can offer no solutions, no easy answers, to other people’s tragedies. We can only be there. It is Jesus they need, not us, and even he offers no answers. He offers himself. It is when people find their way through to him that the pain of their life becomes the pain not of death, but of birth. A thing of hope.” We cannot fix others’ suffering, nor can we say the words that will lift them from their misery. Instead, be present.
